how long its been since my fingertips have touched a keyboard

how badly ive strayed from myself

i know longer remember what i used to look up to

or for what

or why i never thought about life so constraining

i feel so trapped in this everyday loop

trying to ignite a love life

trying to tell myself that this career path is good enough

barely making ends meet

seeing my dog get old

seeing my parents grow old

regretting all my past

comparing to an old life

comparing to others

its impossible not to

its why we cant find any gratitude in life

only when i escape

as i always tend to

does this storm calm

another drink

another inhale of nicotine

and when life isn’t so turbulent

all the flower this vessel can take.