Just Keep Writing

So much time passes in a year, and it can be daunting

how much can be inflicted on or by someone in that time.

More time feels wasted when you meditate on one simple minute.

In that minute we can stop

look at the leaves on the tree sway from one direction to another

while one thought

merges into a new one. Perhaps it takes you on a memory

into your childhood where you are making sense of the world. making sense of the plans

your parents came up for a summer because there was nothing in between

For my siblings and I, we went to discover Mexico

For my parents, they were going back home.

And just like that, a minute passes

but that memory, for me, was an eternity. And here, I waste away

my day like all the other days

drinking and smoking

waiting until something changes.

But we all understand,

that you can’t change the weather. So if there is a storm hovering your head

will you let it soak you? Or will you put a raincoat on and grab an umbrella?

On the side of a building

a lampost and its warm light envelopes

this lovely tree. The sprinkles of the rain

gently landing on each leaf. and here I am

finishing a cigarette realizing how this can be the end

or the beginning of a cycle. But I don’t let it.

This is all so different with the lens of 2020.

it stopped sprinkling.

So I stayed up all night up until 9AM on dating apps, then I got screwed over, drank a whole bottle of wine, woke up at 2pm, took my dog on a walk in a windy, overcast day, and now I’m having sushi and and pint of Orion beer before work.

I felt so damn good and confident yesterday but somehow I ended up here. At least last night I did. At work I felt pretty blue and broken but before I was having a productive day. The presidential election is on today on the screen as I wait for my sushi. I don’t care for it. This whole year is completely surreal and I’m still waiting to wake up.

This just feels too Murakamit-like in that I understand it’s real life but sometimes this pandemic and divorce makes it so hard to believe it’s reality.

You need to get out of your comfort zone.

Your home shouldn’t be your safe haven

because you are creating a room where whatever happens is trapped

between those four walls. Safe places

should be found outside

in nature.

They should force you out of your bad habits

and lack of productivity.

Nature is what we had before technology

and it is still here for us. Cherish it because its been neglected

by screens and constant unauthenticity.